tentative_bulletin

hello world!!! the tentative name website is finally up and running. i've got the basic structure for the homepage, the directory tabs, and this bulletin board put together and i am quite pleased :)

everyone..... please feel free to grab this html block (everything contained within the "article" tags!) and write your own posts! you can share life updates, cool music/vieos you find, or just post random stuff you find on the internet.

also, don't forget to add your favorite songs into the sidebar playlist array in the code so we can build out the player. try out the new tag filter system up top, it actually works!!!!! yippee!!!!! this template also has code for action links but i am not really super sure how those work so......... grain of salt on using them lol. i think this template is really meant for people who have some kind of backend service lawl

i'm lounging on the couch listening to the dryer run as i string together words like beads haphazardly, inevitably watching the whole bracelet come undone more than once as any thought i could dredge up slips through my grasp, escaping into the fog. in metaphor and reality alike i curse out my ineptitude—loud enough that only i can hear—to seize upon these thoughts or beads or any other trivial items of seemingly endless quantity. after all i still have to tie off the string at some point, locking in some small set of beads into something useful to somebody besides the ghosts intercepting my brain's telephone lines.

and really i should journal more consistently. and i should really block out my days leaving a whole half rotation of the minute hand available for coalescing errant anxieties and undercooked, overseasoned theories into a dozen different works, all given the label of "personal project" as if minute progress on one work substantially furthers the progress of all of them. and i think the 7 hours i spend working 6 days a week
and the 2 hours i spend commuting each of those days
and the 2 hours i spend cooking and eating nutritionally mediocre meals
and the 10 hours i spend attempting to rest my mind and matter
and the 2 hours i spend transitioning from an all-too realistic dream state to an all-too dreamlike reality and back again
leave just enough space in the timeline to utilize that supposedly rested mind or matter towards some goal, any goal, any purpose whatsoever.

yes i did call out sick to work tonight after leaving last night in a dissociative fugue state needing to pass out yet unable to do so, as my mind had left the building hours ago while my body refused to clock out. no i don't think this is sustainable. yes i will continue to work here until my innards spill out leaving a mess everyone politely dodges for a week until the health inspector comes round. why do you ask?

if the dryer or washing machine or dishwasher or refrigerator can run in place endlessly, refusing to change so long as it fulfills its purpose, yet be a valued member of the household for the service it provides...
if a cat can spend its days lounging about, providing the service of affection and little else...
will there be retribution, divine or mortal, against the person who pays rent, completes chores, and otherwise lounges on the couch unwilling to attempt the task of stringing some words together? they say inspiration cannot arise from nothing, and i have proven such a thing to be true, but a life spent reading and watching and listening and consuming doesn't leave much room for doing. a life spent resting and laboring for some nebulous value and resting and turning off the brain via devices and substances and resting and resting and dying and resting isn't much of a life is it?

I'm always thinking, I wish I was doing this, I wish I was doing that. Yet I have to admit that for (unfortunately long) periods of time I find myself in an especially disillusioned and escapist headspace where I just feel like I'm not succesful at anything creative, from what I hear this is fairly universal for my creative types.

Reflecting on these periods of low-output, I realize that my nature still persists. I spend hours trying to figure out how to change a computer feature so that I may even save minutes in the future, I reorganize my room radically because then it'll be easier to access/do that one thing, I craft event concepts for friends and also activities with my partner. Even in times where you don't feel happy or have much energy, you are still doing all kinds of things that you might not even realize are creative in the moment.

I am really really super happy to say though that recently I feel like things have been kind of coming together (specifc evaluation metrics will be presented in the quarterly Animus Worm report). I still have all kinds of responsibilities that take precedent, but I just have this feeling that I have to sit down (at my desk or in bed with a guitar) and make music happen, and this time I'm actually doing it pretty often. For the longest time I was chasing inspiration for making music in the wrong places like gear, seeking out the most complex music I could find, stuff like that, but much of this did not really lead to anything that really made me feel inspired or like doing anything really, at least not on its own.

So then what has it been that was so helpful recently? Well you didn't ask but I'm telling anyway.
Secret: it's community, or I guess kind of just knowing people? I really think you've just gotta find your crowd. I guess there are occasional genius types who could lose ur mind in an isolated cabin but make amazing pieces during it but that ain't me. Spending 1 hour doing a hobby with a friend is probably worth like 12 hours of independent practice //unless your friends a huge jerk or something//. Even if you are not near the people you care about, I really feel like seeing people you align with doing things, like anything is possibly the most inspiring thing that could happen unless you get all envious about it. (unfortunately I have got envious bones in my body which is why instagram is possibly one of the top bad things for my creativity and is deleted from my phone currently).

You don't have to be in the same place as your community. Seriously, the person I know that I am like the most inspired by literally lives 500 miles away. Sorry if ur someone I know and you don't live that exact distance away, I'm inspired by you too! The odds may feel stacked against you but I promise there's a way for things to work that may not be immediately obvious or immediately available, I've been there 2. //What can I say... I may have been the one to have the idea+create a group chat that tentativename.neocities.org is named after//. That community shit ain't passive! Shoutout to all the wonderful people making things on this website and off it too.

Without community, making art can feel like: "Why the hell am I even doing this?"
With community it's more like: "omg I get to show this to my people eventually!!!"

Thx for reading, be good now...

- Animus Worm

i like playing games with friends :3 i've been hanging out with many different friend groups throughout my life but a commonality between most of them would be our gathering to hop online to play some multiplayer games. these games tend to get a little heated, which is okay, but sometimes it would devolve into uncalled for displays of anger between us. i am absolutely guilty of "raging" or "tilting" or "popping off" and i've said a lot of things to my friends that i deeply regret, and its even more ridiculous that it was all over a game. many of us here in tentative name enjoy playing overwatch together, and some strangers on that game tend to be rather toxic, so as a means of relieving tensions in myself, my friends, and mean people online i started to use the phrase "choose love." anytime we would beast on the enemy team, there would be a reminder to choose love. anytime our emotions flared up, here's the reminder to choose love. i wanted to forge such a beautiful, scarce thing in a rather unwell world.

there is always an opportunity to choose love. i have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and i want to apologize immensely to all i haven't shown enough kindness to. not always do we feel that we can choose love, and sometimes we hurt, but we can always carve a new path for ourselves leading forward. i don't doubt that i will continue to mess up time and time again in my life, but i will always remember that i can reflect and opt to choose love. choose love.

- paruko

The cool, winter wind hits my face as rays of sun grace the very little skin I have exposed. The trees sway, the birds sing, and the roadside traffic violently hums. Days like these are rare to come by ever since it all happened. I smile knowing in a few minutes everything will come crashing down, and panic will soon settle in. As I wait for the bus, I look up into the trees surrounding me, they smile with a sort of malice I can only imagine is a warning for what's to come. I laugh it off, occurances like these are normal for me at this point. The bus stops infront of me, I step on, ready to start my day.

As I type this up, it all feels so wrong. I feel as if I am playing "cosmic dolls" sometimes, controlling a puppet, a vessel, an entity with no name or identity to call itself. I looked far into the innerworkings of the universe and realized everything turns into a spiral if you give it enough time. What am I? Am I the citizen? Am I the concern that makes me up? Am I the idea of a concerned citizen? Am I the thought? Who's to say. I hate it just as much as you do.

- Concerned Citizen

i don't have anything particularly insightful or interesting to say beyond i am very glad that we are making this website. there are few things more enjoyable than doing something creative, and i think doing creative things with your friends is even better.

speaking of which.... i am just about out of ideas for stuff to add on here. i don't want to like, domineer this bitch and frankenstein the entire site together LMAO. i am sure everyone has their own ideas for things to add!!! and we should share theeemmmm please message cool shit we could try and figure out how to incorporate into that discord thread..

sorry if i am too enthusiastic about this whole ordeal but i am having #FUN!!!!

sorry again to be too enthusiastic but 1) Please Write Something in Here I;'m fucking Begging you 2) PLEASE use the tags i thought that shit was so cool lol